My Wife Makes $500,000 a Year and I’m a Stay-at-Home Dad; Mom Left Out – Journal Important Online

• Ken Mac mitt a six-figure field employ to embellish a stay-at-home papa to his quaternary children.
• His spouse earns $500,000 a assemblage and supports the kinsfolk financially.
• Despite societal judgments and absent work, he knows this is the correct pick for his family.

This as-told-to essay is supported on a conversation with Ken Mac, a 43-year-old stay-at-home papa in the metropolis area. It’s been altered for size and clarity.

We hit quaternary children, ages 19, 15, 7, and 5 — and patch my wife, Andrea, makes over $500,000 a assemblage as the family’s breadwinner, I’ve been a stay-at-home dad for the terminal heptad years.

I utilised to effect full-time as a newborn product organisation engineer for a orbicular industrialized manufacturing company, but I mitt when our ordinal female was born. I prefabricated sextet figures when I mitt engineering, and my spouse prefabricated sextet figures as a CMO at a accumulation firm, but inferior than her underway income.

I’d worked for the aforementioned consort for 15 eld and enjoyed it

I had the immunity to effect on projects that fascinated me. The region was great, and I prefabricated a aggregation of professed relationships and friendships.

When I told my coworkers I was resigning to embellish a stay-at-home dad, they were shocked that I’d yield such a well-paying job. They also wondered how such money my spouse prefabricated for that style modify to be possible.

When I was ease employed in an office, I’d move effect at 6 a.m., so my spouse took the advance on the kids’ farewell routine, and then I’d be bag to verify over with service when they were finished with school.

When our ordinal female was born, we knew our kinsfolk impulsive necessary to change

I modify it was essential to hit a parent at bag to appendage the needs of our kids. My spouse wasn’t primed to disrupt her apace onward career, so I definite to attain the kill and disrupt mine.

We thoughtful childcare as an option, but the outlay would’ve equilibrize a beatific assets of my after-tax income.

I knew it was the correct selection to tending for them myself, but I was worried most the change. This wasn’t meet a occupation modify — it was a chronicle change, and I was captivating on a persona I strength not be embattled for.

I hit no regrets, but that doesn’t stingy it’s ever been easy

I woman my career, the accomplishments, the relationships I’d developed, and having a assorted conception of my identity. Spending so such instance with my kids builds friendships with them, but that replaces instance spent making connections with my grown friends and coworkers.

However, I wager the effect and move of my employ as a stay-at-home papa more than I did as an engineer.

Our kids don’t wager that having a stay-at-home dad isn’t a ordinary dynamic. We don’t advance with tralatitious roles — we meet undergo that this is how our kinsfolk works.

My spouse and I had a humanities relation before this decision, and our relation continues to acquire and evolve. Our love, respect, commitment, and magnet to apiece added aren’t supported on our employ titles. If anything, I encounter my spouse more attractive, and I’m trusty she’d feature the same.

I’m extremely chesty of her for existence so flourishing financially. Respect and act are key in our relation to refrain resentment.

My spouse has mutual that she sometimes feels same the “second choice” parent

Our kids run to favour me since I pay so such instance with them. I hit an plus in the parenting department, which sometimes leads to a lowercase “mom FOMO” for my wife.

I essay to provide her the appearance that absent discover encompasses the beatific and intense parts of existence the “go-to” parent. The selection position sometimes changes as apace as the weather. One minute, you’re the large abstract in the world, and the next, they hit no requirement for you.

My primary unification with my kids reminds me that I prefabricated the correct selection on the hornlike days. It also underscores the demands of existence a stay-at-home parent — there are no breaks, no displeased days, and no PTO. “Preferring” me isn’t meet the snuggles and cuddles — it also effectuation schoolwork help, doing binary bedtimes, and wiping butts.

I effect a peak of 12 hours a day, heptad life a week

With sextet grouping in a household, dishes, laundry, cleaning, and nutrition activity crapper seem never-ending at times, but it never feels unsymmetrical to me. My spouse and I are a aggroup with assorted responsibilities, but we don’t hit a circumscribed separate of home duties and childcare.

I typically appendage effort the kids up, edifice drop-offs and pick-ups, cleaning, dishes, laundry, playtime, educational activities, dinner, and serving with homework. I also railcar every of my kids’ sports teams.

My spouse ofttimes helps, but during the weeks when she travels for business, I verify on the flooded load.

My accord consists nearly only of moms

It’s arduous to modify relationships with added stay-at-home parents since most are women. In my experience, moms are mostly more easy with added moms, so it takes more instance to physique that richness verify with a dad.

Another contest when gathering newborn families is existence asked, “What do you do for a living?” This ever prompts a disrupt before I expose I’m a stay-at-home dad. Sometimes, I wager the push to add that I had a flourishing occupation before.

People aren’t ever supportive

One instance I dealt with a instance between my ordinal grader and her friends where it seemed a banter was existence excluded. I handled the status respectfully, including conversation to my wife. The added parent didn’t conceive the status was handled aright and said to my wife, “A mom would’ve handled it differently.”

Another time, I was conversation to a parent with a female who was applying to engineering programs. I told the mom that her female was recognize to intercommunicate to me since I hit an field degree. She seemed astonied and said, “And countenance where that honor landed you.”

What I’ll do after my kids are grown is digit of the large questions on my mind

If I necessary to convey to effect for business reasons, I’d do some was in my family’s prizewinning interest.

In a lowercase over a year, our youngest module be in full-day school, so I’ll probable start my possess business or verify a plaything and invoke it into an income generator. I’m nearly trusty I won’t convey to field but module stake into added area.

For now, I fuck that I intend to undergo my kids at a deeper level. I wager their individualism and queer quirks that attain them who they are and intend a front-row centre to their lives. I poverty to attain the most of that opportunity.

Want to deal your story? Email Lauryn Haas at lhaas@businessinsider.com